Gender Thoughts

As I have heard for years and years now, females are becoming more and more frustrated with how their relationships are being initiated by males. Most are very puzzled why guys are being so shy and not leading relationships with some confidence. The problems that many females are suffering from are females that have taken a liking to traditional gender norms in our society. Many families along with the media teach our generation to run their romantic relationships as follows: females are to be the "weaker and more gentle" as my friend Erica mentioned in her Live Journal, and the male figure is intended to be the "agressive initiative" of the genders. This would be labeled as traditional in my mind. There are becoming more people are being socialized in this manner. A manner that is quite apparent in generations past like the 40’s and 50's. A time where males took a lot of initiative and were the definition of chivalry. And females were the weaker and more bashful of the two gender. But a lot of us forget that during this period of time gender equality was minimal. So females were treated as such. The gender not as capable, and therefore incapable of properly initiating any kind of affection. Sadly (to me) many are taught these social norms still. Even after gender rights have been earned. Some may argue that this is the proper version of romance. The type of romance where the man is in control, and of great chivalry. But in order to understand fully how these differences in romance let’s take a trip back to our parents’ era.

(Editors note: Please do not take it sexist that I am proposing advice for females to to help romance in the world. I have heard complaints concerning females and their relationships for a long time, and I am aiming this to "help" them more than "criticize" females as a whole. "Criticizing" would infer that all females should be the way I think would help. "Helping" is available to anyone who finds my thoughts intriguing. And anyone who thinks it's crap and does not apply to them, it most likely does not. I am quite radical in the sense of gender. And I am always available for argument on any of these topics presented, or comments that agree. That works too.)

I look at my parents’ era and I think about what gender was all about. I think Aretha Franklin summed it up well in her smash hit song "Respect". Yes, over the last several decades females have been campaigning for a more equal America. One where they deserve a job just as much as the next man does. One where they in general deserve respect in every sense of the word. Indeed we finally reached the kind of respect and rights that women deserve during these last few decades. A great accomplishment. One accomplishment that that I could not be happier about. I am quite the equalitarian myself and am quite glad I live in the generation that I do. And then again, there have been times in my life where I could not be more frustrated with the way our genders have evolved over the years (or lack thereof). But here is what I have broken my assertions down to.

When females gained all of these rights that many of us enjoy today, they lost something along the way. Widespread traditional romance. I stress the word widespread. There are still a number of males who celebrate this form of romance. But along the way, understanding why a male should have to initiate relationships with females seemed more and more ridiculous. All of a sudden the replies to males inquiries for relationships became less and less respectful. No longer does a female have to respectfully reply to a man expressing his affection. They have just as much right as a male to say exactly what they think of their affection being offered (as any human being should). Whether it’s an extremely polite denial, or extremely rude denial. If a female were to react very disrespectfully to an offer from a male 60 years ago they would have been ostracized. Like I discussed in my assertion earlier, romance is based on overall gender respect. Now that males and females have reached a great deal of equality, now there is more and more of an expectation of equality in the relationship. More and more males are feeling more vulnerable to shut downs. Whereas if a male got shut down 60 years ago, they would be less inclined to feel vulnerable because of it. They would question the character of the girl long before they questioned their own character. It was the way males were supposed to be after all. Strong and invincible. Not vulnerable, sad, and weak like a female was socialized to be. But we are not socialized nearly as much to believe we should act in such silly manner. So now we have less initiative by males in relationships. I believe it should be that way myself. But for those who feel like they will be eternally hopelessly romantic there are still a number of males who are looking to be with a girl who still envisions her life turning out like Cinderella’s and being swept away by a handsome prince. But as noted by many females, the numbers seem to be dwindling. And personally, That bothers me in no way.

I’d like to believe that my relationship is run in a modern romantic way as opposed to a traditional way. In a world full of depression, suicide, rape, sexual harassment, and sexual abuse, I think taking a little pressure of the males in the romantic world would not hurt. Everyone as a whole putting initiative into their desires would make the romance world a little less stressful and confusing for all (easier said that done. I know). I think you would see more results in terms of males respecting females as well.

I want to stress that I do not think that males should completely stop all acts of chivalry and care by any means. Let's make that clear. I just think that males and females should understand that showing your affection and care for another should not completely be weighed by the number of roses you buy them on the first date, how fancy and sappy you are with your words, or how many sexual favours you give them. It should weigh on how much you truly enjoy the other person. Not what they give you.

For all those who do run their lives like Cinderella and the prince and are successful in this manner, I applaud you. You have found your match, and you are truly happy doing what you do. But for all of you Cinderella’s who aren’t finding that prince to slide your glass slipper on and are frustrated by continual failure, you may want to rethink things.

(Editor's note: This is a raw version of my gender thoughts and was writtenly quite crudely while watching Adult Swim. If there are any clarifications you would like on anything, please comment. Thank you.)